i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
