I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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