she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
