I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what day is it and did you see me today?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
