you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
