she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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