Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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