Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize