I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
