he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
