Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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