Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
