My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
