Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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