dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
