I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
