I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
