so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
