Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
