I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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