i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
