nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Congratulations! We have a period
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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