good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
