I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
