when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
