Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
