I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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