The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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