I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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