She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
