We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
