Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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