I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
