Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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