the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
