I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
