hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
