My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
