I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
