I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
