She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
