Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ketchup is God's man juice
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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