You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
