She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize