Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
