THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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