i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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