Porn is love you can see.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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