apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
