She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
