I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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