at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
