So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
