its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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