I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
