all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
