you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
