I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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