Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
