Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
as a side note pls kill me
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