Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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