i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
