he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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