is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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