I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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