Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
