So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
