If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
