WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
