This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
