Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
