Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
