Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
